It wasn't "normal." It wasn't necessarily "Merry." But we made it. We made it through Christmas. It was hard, but not as hard as I had built it up to be in my mind. It helped that we did something completely different from every other year and traveled to see family. Usually we would just go to my Mama and Daddy's house. We did do that on the 23rd and that was probably the hardest day.
We opened our gifts that night so we didn't have to pack those too. No one would sit in my Daddy's chair. Except for little Nono. Nono has always been called "Little D" due to the fact that he looks and acts (and has a temper like) my Daddy. Nono sat in that chair like it was his and it made my heart smile. Somehow anyone else sitting in that chair would have made it that much harder.
The kids had fun. The adults made it through and that's what matters.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
This is Happening...
It's hitting me today. This whole Christmas thing is ACTUALLY going to happen...without my Daddy. The trees are up. The presents purchased (but not wrapped because something has to be left for the last minute, right?).
But there is such a big hole. Huge. Ginormous. There is no shopping for him this year. No trying to find the perfect gift for a hard to buy for man. No excitement from me because I found that something that was just *right* for him. Every year I took it as a challenge to find him something. Every year I somehow pulled it off and didn't resort to a musical tie or ridiculous socks.
So for the past few weeks I've been going through the motions. Being excited with Gigi but hurting inside. Thinking maybe if I just ignored it - it would happen. It would go away. It wouldn't hurt so bad.
But that is not to be. So here I sit, with Christmas Eve fast approaching and knowing that we will not be eating our traditional barbeques and oyster stew for dinner. We won't be having caramel rolls for breakfast Christmas morning at my Mama and Daddy's house while the kids playing with their new toys. We won't have prime rib or everyone's favorite prime rib sandwiches after Christmas dinner. We will just have those memories. Somehow that doesn't seem like enough.
We will be traveling this year - to be away from here. Away from the memories of Christmases past. Away from happy memories. Yes, you can call it running away. I'm okay with that. None of us can stay here this year without him. So I'm thankful for my aunt and uncle who are welcoming us into their home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Christmas isn't supposed to be sad. It is supposed to be about the birth of our Savior. This year I'm having a hard time celebrating that fabulous birth without remember the great death that we suffered this year.
Merry Christmas in Heaven Daddy. I miss you so much and can't believe that we have to celebrate this year without you. My heart is broken.
But there is such a big hole. Huge. Ginormous. There is no shopping for him this year. No trying to find the perfect gift for a hard to buy for man. No excitement from me because I found that something that was just *right* for him. Every year I took it as a challenge to find him something. Every year I somehow pulled it off and didn't resort to a musical tie or ridiculous socks.
So for the past few weeks I've been going through the motions. Being excited with Gigi but hurting inside. Thinking maybe if I just ignored it - it would happen. It would go away. It wouldn't hurt so bad.
But that is not to be. So here I sit, with Christmas Eve fast approaching and knowing that we will not be eating our traditional barbeques and oyster stew for dinner. We won't be having caramel rolls for breakfast Christmas morning at my Mama and Daddy's house while the kids playing with their new toys. We won't have prime rib or everyone's favorite prime rib sandwiches after Christmas dinner. We will just have those memories. Somehow that doesn't seem like enough.
We will be traveling this year - to be away from here. Away from the memories of Christmases past. Away from happy memories. Yes, you can call it running away. I'm okay with that. None of us can stay here this year without him. So I'm thankful for my aunt and uncle who are welcoming us into their home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Christmas isn't supposed to be sad. It is supposed to be about the birth of our Savior. This year I'm having a hard time celebrating that fabulous birth without remember the great death that we suffered this year.
Merry Christmas in Heaven Daddy. I miss you so much and can't believe that we have to celebrate this year without you. My heart is broken.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
December 2 - Writing
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Hmmm...I do A LOT each day that doesn't contribute to my writing. But honestly I don't want to change it. Unless I start making money from this little blog THEN I would consider eliminating the things I do each day that distract me.
The list is long...
*Gigi
*The Internet
*reading other blogs
*Twitter
*my "stories" LOL
I'd like a job. Then we'll talk about eliminating things!!
Hmmm...I do A LOT each day that doesn't contribute to my writing. But honestly I don't want to change it. Unless I start making money from this little blog THEN I would consider eliminating the things I do each day that distract me.
The list is long...
*Gigi
*The Internet
*reading other blogs
*my "stories" LOL
I'd like a job. Then we'll talk about eliminating things!!
December 1 - One Word
Yes I know that it is December 9th but as part of Reverb 10 I will do a post from each day starting with December 1st.
The Prompt for December 1st is One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
One Word, huh? My one word for December would be...HARD.
2010 has been a hard year. From the very beginning of the year I had hope that it would be a good year. I rang in 2010 snuggled up with my little girl by my side and just *knew* it was going to be a good year. Apparently I was wrong.
From my mom's concussion, to losing my job 3 days after I turned 32, to my dad having health issues that turned into a brain tumor that turned in to brain surgery that turned into brain cancer and an infection that ultimately killed him.
We had plans. Plans for the future. Plans for the present. Plans. We didn't know that last Christmas was our last Christmas with my Daddy. We didn't know that our little family being snowed in last year with Daddy reading the Christmas story from the Bible and singing Silent Night with candles would be our last Christmas memories of him. Us all wearing our matching jammies (even him!) on Christmas morning.
It's hard to know that this year will be so...different. Everything is.
2010 - it was HARD.
The Prompt for December 1st is One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
One Word, huh? My one word for December would be...HARD.
2010 has been a hard year. From the very beginning of the year I had hope that it would be a good year. I rang in 2010 snuggled up with my little girl by my side and just *knew* it was going to be a good year. Apparently I was wrong.
From my mom's concussion, to losing my job 3 days after I turned 32, to my dad having health issues that turned into a brain tumor that turned in to brain surgery that turned into brain cancer and an infection that ultimately killed him.
We had plans. Plans for the future. Plans for the present. Plans. We didn't know that last Christmas was our last Christmas with my Daddy. We didn't know that our little family being snowed in last year with Daddy reading the Christmas story from the Bible and singing Silent Night with candles would be our last Christmas memories of him. Us all wearing our matching jammies (even him!) on Christmas morning.
It's hard to know that this year will be so...different. Everything is.
2010 - it was HARD.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Haven't blogged in awhile...just haven't been in the mood. Christmas is hard :(
There is a project going on called Reverb 10 that I should've started blogging about on December 1st but I didn't so I'm going to start tomorrow. Basically the premise is that the website provides prompts for each day of December to reflect on 2010. It's 10:15 so I'm not going to start tonight but will do a couple tomorrow and couple the next day until I catch up.
Until then...
There is a project going on called Reverb 10 that I should've started blogging about on December 1st but I didn't so I'm going to start tomorrow. Basically the premise is that the website provides prompts for each day of December to reflect on 2010. It's 10:15 so I'm not going to start tonight but will do a couple tomorrow and couple the next day until I catch up.
Until then...
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