I realized today (on this Grandparents Day - my Daddy was one of the good ones) that when I picture my Dad - when I think about him - my first picture of him in my mind is not those last few days in the hospital. It's not as sad to think about him anymore.
I still do have those pictures in my mind, but today? Today when I thought of him my first thought was of his eyes the night I said goodbye. The eyes that said, "I understand." The eyes that said, "I love you too." The eyes that said, "I'm proud to be your dad."
And that? Is a positive step towards healing.
Showing posts with label Peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Peace. Show all posts
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
He's Gone
This is not something I wrote on Facebook...
Monday night, July 12th I couldn't decide if I should go home and sleep or stay at the hospital. The nurse said that if it were her she would go home because he was pretty stable at that point.
Tuesday morning at 1:45 am my phone rant and it was my mom. "You need to get here," she said. I was all ready to go and walked onto his floor and down the hall at 1:55. My sister met me there and said simply, "He's gone."
At 1:40 am the nurse had been in and told my mom he still sounded good. At 1:45 my mom noticed his breathing change. She called the nurse in and the nurse checked and his heart was still beating faintly. He took one more big breath and then just...stopped. At the end it was peaceful - which is what we had all been hoping for. After the struggles of the past week - him being uncomfortable, seizures, snoring, apnea and many other things - at the end he was peaceful. I am very thankful for that.
My mom asked the nurse for a few minutes by herself and when I arrived my sister and I went into the room as well. We played "How Great Thou Art" by the Statler Brothers and said goodbye. He was finally peaceful. But then...my Daddy was gone.
Monday night, July 12th I couldn't decide if I should go home and sleep or stay at the hospital. The nurse said that if it were her she would go home because he was pretty stable at that point.
Tuesday morning at 1:45 am my phone rant and it was my mom. "You need to get here," she said. I was all ready to go and walked onto his floor and down the hall at 1:55. My sister met me there and said simply, "He's gone."
At 1:40 am the nurse had been in and told my mom he still sounded good. At 1:45 my mom noticed his breathing change. She called the nurse in and the nurse checked and his heart was still beating faintly. He took one more big breath and then just...stopped. At the end it was peaceful - which is what we had all been hoping for. After the struggles of the past week - him being uncomfortable, seizures, snoring, apnea and many other things - at the end he was peaceful. I am very thankful for that.
My mom asked the nurse for a few minutes by herself and when I arrived my sister and I went into the room as well. We played "How Great Thou Art" by the Statler Brothers and said goodbye. He was finally peaceful. But then...my Daddy was gone.
July 5th
Two months is too little.
They let him go - they had no sudden healing.
-Natalie Grant
"Held"
While the song I quoted above is about parents losing their child, it seems somewhat prophetic.
His heart rate is high and his blood pressure is very very low. His kidneys are no longer functioning.
We pray today for God's peace. No more pain. They are working hard to keep him comfortable.
And now? We wait. And pray. No more pain. But no more pain means no more Papa.
We have told him its okay to go. We will be okay. We have great family and friends that will help us through this.
Right now I would love to be selfish and scream at the doctors to do something - ANYTHING - so we have more time. But that is not what is best.
We got the oppurtunity to do what many people do not get to do and say goodbye. He knows. He squeezed my hand so tight.
This is all jumbled up but the gist is...please join me in praying for peace for my Daddy.
They let him go - they had no sudden healing.
-Natalie Grant
"Held"
While the song I quoted above is about parents losing their child, it seems somewhat prophetic.
His heart rate is high and his blood pressure is very very low. His kidneys are no longer functioning.
We pray today for God's peace. No more pain. They are working hard to keep him comfortable.
And now? We wait. And pray. No more pain. But no more pain means no more Papa.
We have told him its okay to go. We will be okay. We have great family and friends that will help us through this.
Right now I would love to be selfish and scream at the doctors to do something - ANYTHING - so we have more time. But that is not what is best.
We got the oppurtunity to do what many people do not get to do and say goodbye. He knows. He squeezed my hand so tight.
This is all jumbled up but the gist is...please join me in praying for peace for my Daddy.
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