Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  A day that used to be fun and full of eating and a day this year that is filled with trepidation, fear and sadness.  This will be the first real holiday without my Daddy. 

Even though he is not here there are so many things to be thankful for.  It's time to count my blessings and not dwell on the fact that he is not here.

I'm thankful that I got to have a Daddy for 32 years.  Some people don't get that.  I'm thankful that I have so many wonderful memories of him and can remember all the fun we had and the laughs we shared and try to forget the fights and the bad times. 

I'm thankful that he loved me so much and that I had the opportunity to love him.  I'm thankful that both of my parents "rescued" me and helped me get on my feet.  I'm thankful that I still have my wonderful Mama and that we will be together for Thanksgiving this year. 

I'm thankful that we have the kids - who are forcing the adults to BE adults and not wallow in our sadness during this holiday.  I'm thankful that I got to spend so many Thanksgivings with my family so that we have memories like putting up the Christmas lights, Daddy always washing the dishes to put in the dishwasher (beginning the "why are you washing the dishes before we put the dishes in the dishwasher" argument), eating pumpkin pie, drinking red wine (even though Daddy loved the dry icky stuff - he was always nice and shared), and there are so many others.

I'm thankful that each one of his grandkids got to at least meet him even if the won't have many memories of him.  He loved those kids...and they loved him. 

I'm thankful that we didn't know that last year was our last Thanksgiving with him...our last Christmas...our last everything.  I think of my friend E, whose mother is dying of cancer, and how each and every holiday it is known that is *could* be the last.  I admire their strength to be able to get through it.  We just have memories of the holidays being good.  Of him sitting in the chair reading the Christmas story from the Bible last Christmas Eve because the roads were too bad to get to church. 

I'm thankful that he taught me to fight for ME.  I'm having some health issues and am frustrated but will keep on seeking answers because "I don't know" is NOT a good enough answer for me. 

I'm thankful that we got the chance to say goodbye.  Even if we didn't want to...he left this earth knowing just how much he was loved and he left each one of us with the knowledge of how much he loved us.  I'm thankful that I know that when he left this earthly life there was eternal life waiting for him.  I'm thankful for my faith and the people that have taught me to believe so I know that this was not the end for him.

I'm thankful for his friends - who have been so diligent on checking up on my Mama and making sure she is okay.  I'm thankful for the friends that have checked up on all of us, knowing that this time of the year is not an easy one.

Today for the first time I had to go through my medical history and actually add that my father was in fact deceased and had cancer.  That was HARD.  I'm not going to lie, there were tears.  But the friendly nurse and doctor was so great.  Like they were sent to be here at this time to give me some comfort.  They both said, "that's so hard.  I'm so sorry." and meant it.  It *is* hard.  It sucks. 

Please remember to keep all of us in your prayers, to get through this difficult time without my Daddy.  To figure out a way to find joy in this season for the kids while the adults would like to curl up and make the whole season just go away. 

I'm thankful that part of the reason that this time of the year is so hard is that my family always made our holidays special.  We may not have always had a huge amount of presents or even got along but I was always acutely aware that I was loved.  I knew that my family was doing their best to make memories.  I cherish those now.

Happy Thanksgiving (to all my American friends at least - sorry Canadians I'm a little late!).  I'm certainly going to count my blessings while we try to get through the day.