Learning

I try to learn something new everyday.  It may not be a huge skill and maybe only a little factoid (speaking of - did you know the pieces from the game of Tetris are called "Tetriminos?"  There were some college kids dressed up as them today and I told them that little tidbit.  They didn't look at me like I was crazy.  At all.  *sigh*).

Today I learned several things.

1. I may be coming out of the dark so to speak.  The depression that has enveloped me probably since my Daddy's diagnosis is starting to look a little brighter.  There really may be a blazing sun at the end of this super long tunnel.  Took long enough and if my Daddy was here?  He would be SO ANGRY at me for being sad this long.

2.  I like being busy again.  I had a meeting this morning for a super secret project (haha now you wanna know!), a football game at 1:00 (my Augie Vikings?  9-0.  9-0!  So proud to be a Viking fan today.  A blue and gold Viking fan that is), church at 5:00 and then my Mama and I booked it to the Augie volleyball game to see the last 10 minutes of play.  Game started at 5:30 but we were at church so we just came late.

3. Confirmation weekend?  Not a good time to bring friends to church who are wanting to check out my church.  We had a baptism, a milestone and then confirmation.  Along with communion.  Not usually indicative of our normal services.  Great to see, yes but when I tell the Z family that our church is pretty casual and jeans are just fine and then a bunch of people show up dressed to the nines because they are visitors to our church and are there for confirmation? (Holy run on sentence batman!) Makes me look like a liar.  And afterall, I am on the top of the sinner list.  My pastor told me. 

4.  I was asked to transcribe an interview for my volunteer job.  I'm an AWFUL transcriber.  Seriously.  Really bad.  Especially when people talk fast.  Maybe that's a hint to me to SLOW DOWN.  Huh...imagine that.

Those are just things I learned TODAY!

This week I also learned that it's fun to use my brain again.  I'm volunteering on the PR team at the American Cancer Society of South Dakota.  I feel smart.  I feel like maybe my fancy edumacation might lead somewhere.  It feels WONDERFUL to talk to adults in a business setting again.  I love it. 

I learned that Gigi is doing brilliantly at school.  I had her first parent/teacher conference and her teacher just kept telling me how kind and considerate she was to others.  It was almost enough for me to tear up.  Almost.  She needs to work on slowing down too, when she is drawing and writing.  Other than that she is resourceful and a joy to have in class!  Yay Gigi!  I was bursting after that conference. 

I learned that Gigi's school can still lose her.  LOL.  Wednesday evening activities didn't go as planned and when I got to school to pick her up we couldn't find her.  Deja vu much?  I found her safe and sound with her church school friends but was thinking - seriously?  Seriously. 

I learned that giving a box of Cupcake Pebbles to a five year old to snack on (or "cupcake petals" as they are referred to here) is NOT a good idea.  Everywhere.  They are EVERYWHERE.

I also learned that that same five year old will look at me and say, "Mama, my tummy hurts" and it will be less than five seconds before the puke hits the floor.  FIVE SECONDS.  Warning.  I need warning!

I learned that Family Ties, Doogie Howser MD and The Wonder Years are on TV again.  It's like my childhood!  Alex P. Keaton - I will always love you.  The Hub rocks. 

The biggest thing that I learned this week?  That I can still be sad.  I can still miss my Daddy.  I can still love my Daddy.  But I don't have to cry all the time.  I will let the tears come when they want and I know that there may be more bad days than good.

I know that my Daddy would be proud of me for my new "job."  Not only am I using my brain but I'm using it for good.  Working with the American Cancer Society means that I might make a difference.  I might be part of something that saves someone else's Daddy.  And that's what I want.  I don't want anyone to go through the pain of losing their beloved Daddy because it hurts.  A lot.  And the whole will never go away.  We will just learn to live around it.

Unexpected Mail :)

I had a card sized envelope that I received in the mail.  It was addressed to *me* from the address of Buttercup, Gigi's BFF that moved away.  Strange I thought. 

I opened it up and found a lovely sympathy card with a simple note to let me know that they are still thinking about and praying for us.  I so appreciate that!

Enclosed in the card was a silver heart in a little plastic bag and a card that said:

The Reunion Heart

Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I'm so alone

and though we now are far apart

you hold a big piece of my heart

I never knew how much I'd grieve

when it was time for you to leave,

or just how much my heart would ache

from that one fragment you would take.

God lets this tender hole remain

reminding me we'll meet again,

and one day all the pain will cease

when He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear

with thoughts of you I hold so dear,

and they'll become my special way

to treasure our Reunion Day

(The Reunion Heart was designeed as a symbol of God's promise of a reunion in heaven where there will be no more tears)

It just fit onto the chain that I wear daily with my cross so now it looks like this

 (the back reads: God will wipe away your tears)

Thank you so much A family for this awesome surprise in my mailbox today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gigi and I had a very tough conversation tonight.  She knows that Papa donated his body and it's at the medical school right now so that the students can learn about his cancer.  So she asked me, "Mama?  What if they find something in Papa that can make him be alive again?"

*sigh* How do you explain to a 5 year old that isn't going to happen?  I explained the story of the Waterbugs and Dragonflies again and that Papa couldn't come back to earth.  She was sad that she would never see him again.

I am sad too.  On Thursday, I start as an intern/volunteer helping with public relations for the South Dakota chapter of the American Cancer Society.  It will be a few hours a week to keep my mind busy and to actually use my brain again.  I'm excited.  And the first person I wanted to call?  My Daddy.  He would be excited for me too.  I know he is actually.  I just wish I had a direct line to Heaven so I could talk to him and he could talk back.  This one sided conversation stuff is not cutting it :)