Someday...

Someday...

*I'm going to be at my Mama's house and NOT expect my Daddy to walk through the door at any moment and let us all in on this big cosmic joke.

*I will sit in his chair and not think I'm going to be kicked out by him

*I will actually become a working member of society again...somehow.

*I will not let every "thanks for applying, but we don't even want to talk to you" letter or e-mail send me into a tizzy of tears

*I will understand WHY. 

It's been a tough week.  Sunday I had another flood in the basement.  This time for real.  Ankle deep water.  My wonderful Mama came over and helped me move everything and luckily the only things lost were the carpet in the storage room and some stuff that didn't matter anyway.  Thank God for plastic storage tubs! (the source of the flood was my washing machine which somehow got stuck on a continual fill and empty cycle and a drain that was clogged - it is now fixed.  I think.)

I am very frustrated right now.  I am a college educated hard working person.  And I cannot get a job.  I see job listings or hear about something that is in my field, that I'm perfectly qualified for and am not even getting interviews for.  I'm sick of the economy.  I'm sick of being unemployed.  I'm sick of the beating my self esteem takes on a daily basis. 

I'm sick of the long days when Gigi is at school.  I have a 1,439,403 things to do at home but cannot get motivated to do them.  I am sad.  I am lonely.  I am feeling beat up.  I want to have somewhere to go and something to do.  I want to be a productive member of society again and be able to stop worrying about how I'm going to pay for my mortgage.  I want to be able to not have to tell my daughter, "I'm sorry honey but until Mama has a job we can't do that...or buy that...or go there." 

Most of all I want my Daddy here to kick my butt and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.