Real Life

So they say that I will eventually get back to real life and normal. Who are "they?" I'm not really sure. People everywhere. Grief support group e-mails. Real life maybe, but normal? I think not.

A new normal maybe. A normal where I try to navigate the scary world of job searching by myself. Without the advice of my dad. Without the pushing of my dad. Without the "make sure you send me your resume before you send it so I can make sure it's okay." That's tough.

Many times in interviews I've been asked who my business mentor is. If it's for a sales job sometimes the question is who I look up to in sales. My answer has always been my Daddy. He was the best sales person I've ever known. The best business mentor to not just me but SO MANY others. How am I supposed to get past that in an interview? I'm sure that anyone hiring someone would REALLY like a basketcase who cries over her recently deceased father in an interview. How's that for making an impression?

I had dinner with a group of friends from church last night. A group of friends that know love and loss from a different perspective. It was...nice to see them. I was rambling on and on about my dad and his last few days and they just listened. This is what I love about this particular group. They listen, they support, they hug. I suppose that's what a support group is all about, huh? Little did I know when I joined this particular group that they would not only help me grieve the loss of my marriage, but also the loss of my dad.

I really and truly thought that my divorce would be the biggest loss I would ever suffer in my life. But losing my dad? Hurts so much worse than that. Yes, I grieved the loss of what could have been, what life should've been like, dreams lost. But I got through that. And I will get through this but it might take more time.

You see, my Daddy was my rock through my divorce. He and my Mama guided me through the hard stuff. And now? He is not there. So my Mama, K, the kids and I are on our own. Without our rock. Without the man who was so straightforward and honest. It will be tough but I know we can do it.

Gigi has been with her dad all week. I was supposed to take this week to get my house purged and organized and really haven't done much of that. But I know that this scary thing called Real Life is looming. Might as well start trying to navigate it now.