When is it going to get easier? When am I going to remember that he's not here?
I just saw a news story that I knew my dad would appreciate. I looked at my phone to call him. Then reality hit. Again. It's like losing him all over.
I know in my mind that time will help...but my heart is tired of thinking he is going to be there on the other end of the line.
*sigh*
I've been following along but it's so painful for me to read (and I don't want to cry at work) because I am still suffering losses, myself, and what you are going through is one and the same with me, and it's just hard. And it's probably even worse because I don't have any uplifting words or great news "to look forward to."
ReplyDeleteI will tell you, in all honesty, it only gets easier in a numb way. Like when you take medicine for, say, a headache or surgery and the pain is masked, but you still know something's not quite right? (I relate it to cramps - you still feel icky but not in pain, per se.) Then the pain itself creeps back in after you've forgotten about it a bit, but knew something was off, and then it's back to feeling that agony.
I'm almost 2 years and 11 months from losing my mom and I guess my "paid meds" are working because it's not as painful. I've accepted and remember she's not here, but the absolute realization of it, that I'll never see her again, knocks the wind out of me and I keep trying to make sense of it and deal with the disbelief that it's still the case.
I'm 5 months out from losing my father and it's the same deal.
And yes, those realizations that we have to endure IS like losing them all over again. I wish I had more inspiriting words for you other than I know EXACTLY what you're going thru. I wish I didn't - I wish YOU didn't... :(