You...

ROCK!

Yes I'm talking to you. If you are reading this? Know that I love you, I'm thankful for you and I think you rock.

My family is stuck with me - but you - my friends don't have to be reading my blatherings (good word, no?).

Thank you. Thank you for the calls, texts, e-mails, messages, message board postings, waves from across the street, hugs in stores, and a host of other things that make me know I am loved and cared for.

Thank you to the people who I have received hugs and love from - whether virtual or for real. I know that I would love to be able to reach through my computer and squeeze every single one of you for what you have done for me in the recent months.

Contrary to my recent "I'm angry" note - I do appreciate you asking how I am. Its the random cashier at Target or acquaintance that I hate answering that question to. I know you, my friends, are truly inquiring about how I am doing instead of just exchanging pleasantries.

I found myself at the visitation and memorial hugging so many people who would ask me how I was and I would immediately ask how they were. Well, idiot...we were all there for the same reason, how do I think they are doing? I'm dumb sometimes. So I'm trying to not immediately exchange that particular pleasantry anymore. At least for awhile.
Thank you for all the offers of help and "what can I do's." Know someday I WILL take you up on that (speaking of which does anyone do any electrical, plumbing or A/C work? I'm kidding...kind of).

Thank you for continuing to be our Prayer Warriors. I know we have so many prayers. I can feel them. I appreciate them.

Switching gears...On a message board I frequent someone asked today "What do you think heaven is like?" This question struck me to my very core and has stuck with me all day. I have a vision in my head of what heaven is like and I can only hope that every one of you will join me there someday (dependent upon your particular religious beliefs of course). I can't even put together coherent words to describe heaven in my mind. It is that perfect. And I can't wait to be united with my Daddy and my heavenly Father.

Each night that Gigi has been gone I have laid in bed listening to the playlist "Daddy's DVD" on my iPod. I cannot yet bring myself to watch the whole DVD (I saw parts during the visitation/memorial). Something about watching my dad's life whittled down to 26 minutes of pictures and 6 wonderful songs just doesn't make sense. Its so...final. K and I found, sorted and organized the pictures so I've seen them all but all packaged together? Not something I'm ready to face. So I'll stick to listening to those 6 songs as I ramble on and eventually fall asleep still listening. I don't cry immediately when I hear them anymore. I concentrate on the lyrics and how each and every one of those songs has such meaning.

Anyway...I'm proud to say this is the first note that I have not sobbed through writing for a few weeks. May mean nothing...or it may mean that although I miss my Daddy - I really do appreciate every single one of you. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. (My non sobbing night might have to do with the fact that I'm snuggled up in bed with clean sheets and jammies. THAT is part of my vision of heaven - clean sheets and jammies every night and I don't have to do the laundry or make the bed!)

I think I'm going to start a blog tomorrow. I'm just feeling a tug to do that in case someone else grieving for a special person in their life would stumble on it. I'll post a link when I get it up.