A Million Times

I ran across this yesterday and then my sister called me in the evening and told me about a frame that said "If love alone could've saved you. You never would have died." A sign from Daddy?

A Million Times

A million times we've needed you.
A million times we've cried.
If love alone could've saved you.
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly.
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place.
No one else will every fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you.
The day God took you home.

Author Unkown

A million seems like too little and it hasn't even been a month. Big upcoming events and my Daddy won't be there. K and her family move. Gigi starts kindergarten. I hopefully have a new job...soon (not that there are any close prospects yet). All those things will be firsts. They will be happy but something will be missing.

I want my Daddy to tell me to stop obsessing about Gigi's first day of kindergarten. I'm trying not to be a helicopter parent but it's so hard. Her little heart is sad because her Papa is in heaven and I would like to protect her heart from every other hurt. *sigh* Kindergarten open house is tonight.

At the pool the other day a friend told me that I get an "A+ in grieving." That made me laugh. I'm trying. I'm trying to grieve the only way I know how. Sometimes I'm fine and have good memories and little sadness knowing that he is in a better place. Sometimes the sadness hits me like a ton of bricks.

When will I see a Cessna flying overhead and have happy memories instead of tears? When will I stop thinking that I need to tell him something and then the real world crashes down? When will my Mama not have that sadness in her eyes anymore?

I know there is no answers for any of these questions except for time.

My Mama, Gigi and I are headed for a day of fun in the boat at the river soon. It will be sad being in Papa's boat with my Mama as the driver instead of my Daddy. It will be sad to see the place that made him so very happy. It will be hard but together we will do it and make some new happy memories.